BiNgO bAzGo!

The international sensation that's sweeping the nation...
it's the horn-tootin, high-falootin, bank-lootin, sharp-shootin, hyper-computin game of the millenium!

What's Bingo Bazgo?

I am very glad you asked me.
 Bingo Bazgo is a game that is sometimes about drinking a lot, sometimes about taking your clothes off, and always about yelling.

Here is what you need to know about it.

I
It is life, it is love, it is divine.
II
It cannot be contained in this mortal plane.
III
Its rules are ever-evolving and ever-changing, like the deep and mysterious ocean currents.
IV
There are no winners in Bingo Bazgo, only losers.
V
Bingo Bazgo is not now, nor has it ever been a member of the Communist Party.

The Rules of This Stupid, Stupid Game

Bingo Bazgo is played with two players sitting at a table or on the ground facing one another.
 To play, you must have a full deck of 52 cards, one or more libations, and a door with a doorknob within view.

The Basic Rules of Play

The basic rules of Bingo Bazgo are simple:
Split the deck of cards into even halves of 26, and hand each player one of these halves.
In unison, look at your top card, count to three, and play your card while yelling either "Bingo" or "Bazgo".
You yell "Bingo" if you believe your card will be higher than your opponant's card, and "Bazgo" if you believe it will be lower.
If both players are correct, nothing happens.
If one player has guessed correctly and the other player has NOT, then the incorrect player must take a nice sip.
Resolve any special actions and repeat until all cards have been played.

Special Actions

If any of the following items occur, follow the instructions and then proceed with the next flip!

The cards are of equal value!

If the cards played are of equal value, then one of the following must be done, depending on the preference
 and/or the geographical location of the players.
West Coast: Both players take off one article of clothing of their choice!
(Gotta take off both of your shoes to count, and belts aren't clothes ya doof!)
East Coast: On three, shout one of your greatest secrets!
Bible Belt: "Bingo" and "Bazgo" are reversed for the rest of the game or until of the same card are played again!
International: Purchase a plane ticket and fly to the United States, where the grass dances
 with the songs of the nymphs, and the sun never weeps!

Both players are wrong!

If both players have guessed incorrectly, it is a bingo bazgo. Each must yell "BiNgO bAzGo!", and run to the nearest doorknob. The last to touch this sacred knob must do a slapshot, which is to say they must yell "Bingo Bazgo", take a shot, and receive a slap in the face.

A player plays a Jack, Queen, or King, claims "Bingo", and is incorrect!

The player opposite of the one who has commited this sacred wrong will yell a number between 1 and 26. Their opponent then has two seconds to name the corresponding letter of the alphabet. If they guess incorrectly, they must drink for the amount of seconds equal to however many letters they were off (for example, if their opponent yells 10, and they guess E which is the 5th letter of the alphabet, the guesser must drink for five seconds). However, if they guess correctly, the one who yelled the number must drink for the amount of seconds same as the number they yelled, or for as long as it takes their opponant to sing the alphabet song at a moderate pace.

A player plays a Five, Four, or Three, claims "Bazgo", and is incorrect!

This rule is identical to the rule above it, except that the player opposite of the one who has commited this sacred wrong will yell a letter of the alphabet, and their opponent will have two seconds to name the corresponding number between 1 and 26.

Playing With Four Players

Bingo Bazgo can be played with four players if so desired, but it requires two decks of cards. The players sit in a square formation, and face the player sitting diagonally from them. The two pairs then play seperate, simultaneous games of Bingo Bazgo, with some additional rules. All players count to three and claim either "Bingo" or "Bazgo" in unison, but if a special action occurs, the whole foursome waits for it to be resolved before proceeding.

Additional Special Actions for Four Players

Two adjacent players play a card of equal value!

If two players who are sitting next to one another (not the player you are playing against) play a card of equal value, two things can occur. If one of the people who played the card shouts "Simon and Garfunkel", the other player who played the card must drink. If one of the players who did NOT play one of the matching cards shouts "Bridge over troubled water", both of the players who played the matching cards must drink.

Three or more face cards are played at once!

If three or more face cards are played at once, the first person to notice this occurance should yell "Benghazi!" Immediately afterwards, they can choose to say either "Hillary", "Hillary Clinton", or "Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton". Depending on which they yell, the group must go in a clockwise circle starting left from the Benghazi shouter, and name either the first, first and last, or full (including middle) name of United States Presidents, respectively. The first player to repeat, say a name incorrectly, or take too long to answer must give the Behngazi shouter a smooch and take a sip from everybody's drink. You can use this minigame in two-player Bingo Bazgo by trigerring it anytime one player plays a two and the other plays an ace.

HEY!

don't drink and drive, you slug

Bingo Bazgo can sometimes involve a lot of drinking - so don't be rude, be a careful dood. Don't overindulge, and be respectful of everyone's comfort and limits. Bingo Bazgo is a game for champions, not for misogynists or other inconsiderate-type people.